Watching your child play can provide valuable insight into their development. Some children happily play alone, while others naturally seek out friends and group activities. As children grow, they typically move through predictable stages of play that help build communication, problem-solving, emotional regulation, and social skills.
It's important to remember that every child develops at their own pace. Some children spend longer in certain stages than others, and that's completely normal. However, understanding these stages can help parents recognize typical development and know when additional support may be beneficial.
For autistic children, social development may follow a different path. Rather than expecting children to interact in a specific way, supportive interventions like ABA therapy focus on teaching meaningful social skills while respecting each child's individual strengths, communication style, and interests.
Let's explore the major stages of play and how they support social development.
Solitary Play
Typical Age: Birth to approximately 2 years (although children of all ages continue to enjoy independent play)
Solitary play is exactly what it sounds like—playing alone. During this stage, children are fully engaged in their own activities without much interest in what others are doing around them.
Examples include:
- Building with blocks
- Looking through books
- Completing puzzles
- Pretend play with dolls or action figures
- Exploring sensory toys
- Drawing or coloring
Although parents sometimes worry when their child prefers to play alone, solitary play is an important developmental stage. Children learn to:
- Build concentration
- Develop creativity
- Practice problem-solving
- Gain independence
- Explore their own interests
Even older children often choose solitary play after busy school days or social activities.
Parallel Play
Typical Age: Around 2 to 3 years
Parallel play occurs when children play beside one another without directly interacting.
For example:
- Two children build separate block towers next to each other.
- Children color at the same table while working independently.
- Toddlers play with similar toys without sharing or talking very much.
Although there may be little conversation, children are actually learning a great deal by watching one another.
During parallel play, children begin to:
- Observe peers
- Learn through imitation
- Become comfortable around other children
- Notice how others solve problems
- Develop awareness of social situations
Parallel play serves as an important bridge between independent play and more interactive social play.
Associative Play
Typical Age: Around 3 to 4 years
Associative play is when children begin interacting with one another, even though they may not yet have a shared goal or organized activity.
Examples include:
- Sharing toys
- Talking while playing
- Taking turns with materials
- Playing in the same pretend play area
- Commenting on each other's creations
Children begin practicing important social skills such as:
- Communication
- Turn taking
- Sharing
- Flexibility
- Joint attention
- Understanding another person's perspective
Associative play helps children build confidence before moving into more complex group play.
Cooperative Play
Typical Age: Around 4 years and older
Cooperative play is the most socially advanced stage of play. Children begin working together toward a common goal.
Examples include:
- Playing board games
- Building one structure together
- Playing family or school during pretend play
- Team sports
- Creating art projects together
- Following rules during group games
Cooperative play requires many skills working together, including:
- Communication
- Planning
- Problem-solving
- Negotiation
- Emotional regulation
- Flexibility
- Listening
- Taking turns
- Understanding group expectations
These skills continue developing throughout childhood and adolescence.
How Autism May Affect Social Development
Autistic children often experience social development differently than their peers.
Some children may:
- Prefer solitary activities
- Find group play overwhelming
- Have difficulty initiating interactions
- Need extra support understanding social cues
- Enjoy interacting around highly preferred interests
- Communicate in different ways
These differences are not deficits—they simply reflect different developmental pathways.
The goal is not to force children into social situations but to help them develop meaningful social relationships that fit their individual needs and preferences.
Many autistic children benefit from explicit teaching of social skills through natural, play-based learning opportunities.
How ABA Therapy Can Support Social Development
Quality ABA therapy focuses on building meaningful, functional social skills through enjoyable interactions.
A Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) may help children learn to:
- Initiate play with peers
- Respond when others interact
- Share materials
- Take turns
- Join group activities
- Improve communication
- Understand social routines
- Increase confidence during play
Rather than practicing isolated skills, therapy often incorporates social learning into everyday routines, family activities, community outings, and child-led play.
When Should Parents Seek Support?
Every child develops at their own pace, but consider speaking with your pediatrician or seeking an ABA therapy evaluation if your child:
- Rarely notices or shows interest in other children
- Consistently avoids all social interaction
- Does not respond to their name or attempts to engage
- Has difficulty communicating wants and needs
- Becomes extremely distressed during social situations
- Has very limited pretend play after age 3
- Struggles significantly with joint attention
- Has concerns identified by teachers or childcare providers
Early support can help children build important communication and social skills during critical periods of development.
Supporting Social Development at Home
Parents can encourage healthy social development by creating fun opportunities for interaction without pressure.
Ideas include:
- Arrange short playdates with one familiar child.
- Model turn-taking during games.
- Narrate play using simple language.
- Follow your child's interests during play.
- Celebrate small social successes.
- Read books about friendship and emotions.
- Practice pretend play together.
- Visit parks, libraries, or community activities where children can observe peers at their own comfort level.
Remember that quality interactions matter more than quantity.
Conclusion
From solitary play to cooperative play, each stage of development builds important social, communication, and problem-solving skills. Every child moves through these stages at their own pace, and autistic children may experience social development differently than their peers.
Understanding these stages allows parents to celebrate progress, recognize strengths, and identify when additional support may be helpful. With encouragement, meaningful opportunities to practice, and individualized support when needed, children can continue developing the social skills that help them build relationships and participate confidently in their communities.
Thrive ABA Therapy
At Thrive ABA Therapy, we believe every child deserves individualized, compassionate support that honors who they are. Our Board Certified Behavior Analysts (BCBAs) provide direct, one-on-one ABA therapy—we do not use behavior technicians—allowing families to receive consistent, high-quality care from experienced clinicians.
We offer in-home, school-based, and community-based ABA therapy designed around your child's strengths, interests, and goals. Whether your child is learning early communication, building social skills, increasing independence, or preparing for school, our therapy is personalized to meet your family's unique needs.
If you're looking for BCBA-led ABA therapy, in-home ABA therapy, or an ABA therapy evaluation, Thrive ABA Therapy is here to help families throughout King County.
Contact us today to learn more about our services and schedule a consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between parallel play and cooperative play?
Parallel play occurs when children play beside one another with little interaction, while cooperative play involves children working together toward a shared goal through communication, teamwork, and problem-solving.
Is it normal for my child to prefer playing alone?
Yes. Solitary play is a normal and healthy part of development. Many children—and even adults—enjoy independent activities. If your child consistently avoids all social interaction or struggles with communication, discussing your concerns with your pediatrician may be helpful.
At what age should children begin cooperative play?
Most children begin developing cooperative play skills around age four, although every child develops at their own pace.
Can ABA therapy help improve social skills?
Yes. ABA therapy can help children develop communication, turn-taking, play skills, friendship skills, and confidence during social interactions through individualized, play-based learning experiences.
Does every autistic child struggle with social skills?
No. Autism affects every child differently. Some autistic children enjoy social interaction but communicate differently, while others may prefer smaller groups or more structured interactions. Support should always be individualized to the child's needs and goals.
How do I know if my child would benefit from an ABA therapy evaluation?
If you have concerns about your child's communication, play skills, social interaction, or developmental progress, an ABA therapy evaluation can help identify strengths, areas for growt